Striving towards Excellence

Applied Knowledge and Authenticity

-Karthik Gurumurthy

What can we do from our side to be more authentic or trust worthy? 

Let us look at the traits of people whom we readily trust.

You've likely heard or even made this comment about someone:

" So and So really knows her stuff!"  Shobana made this statement yesterday about a physician whom we met yesterday. What do we really mean when we make that statement? 

Usually, it means that someone has positively impressed us with their knowledge, and likely, their ability to apply that knowledge. " Knowiing your stuff" means becoming knowledgeable, skilled, and making a commitment to doing our best in whatever you do. When you know your stuff, it is so much easier to be authentic because you are confident in what you know and do.

Parents are more credible when they have educated themselves on the value of making thoughtful decisions about raising kids, and then applying a consistent approach to raising those kids, and then applying a consistent approach to raising those kids. Physicians are more credible when they continue to seek knowledge and information on advancements in medical practices and are able to help patients to take advantage of the most current and valid information. A friend is more credible when he/she understands what a friend is in need of, and consciously seeks to provide that for the friend.

What is the bottomline?

Authenticity begins with doing whatever we do regularly with a strong commitment to becoming the best whatever we can be for that time, place and situation.

Courage

by Karthik Gurumurthy

Courage is the inner fortitude that allows you to overcome inner barriers and to step up t0 take a chance, even when it seems impossible. The most successful people I know embody that kind of bravery that makes others remark " I can't believe you did that".

An Italian proverb says "He who does nothing does not fail." Courage means you will try something even if you are not certain of the outcome, that you will take a stand when others are running for cover, that you'll risk failure to get where you want to go. Perfect example of someone who did the opposite is Captain Coward.

Courage isn't bravado or taking stupid risks. It is simply deciding to live in a mind-set of possibility instead of fear. It is manifested in everyday actions.

Trust factor: Part IV: The fences we create

Karthik Gurumurthy

In the last entry, I wrote about how the fences we create stops us from being authentic. The moment we lose authenticity we lose credibility.

Sometimes we create invisible fences knowingly or unknowingly. These fences have often been in place for a long time, sometimes a lifetime, and they feel so much a part of us that we honestly don't even realize they are here. There can be many reasons why someone chooses to activate the fences to protect something.  Typically, we build our fences when we lack confidence for some reason.

When we activate our invisible fence, we begin to act in a way that we believe is either more acceptable to others or one that we perceive to be safe-versus being our true and imperfect selves. We learn to trade in our authenticity for acting because we convince ourselves that our act is more acceptable. It can activate in a variety of ways.

A very successful business entrepreneur "Joe" is extremely engaging when interacting with others. He is sociable, humorous, and has very  persuasive communication skills. When first meeting Joe, most people react quickly with, "What a great guy!" He is gifted  at remembering facts about everyone and is impressive with his ability to recall names and facts about people for years! Over time though, people who know him do not describe Joe as being authentic or transparent.  Instead, he tends to send a signal of, "Watch out- I have some ulterior motive for my behavior." After learning more about Joe, many realize that he is inclined to make cruel comments about others behind their backs while simultaneously building their egos to their faces. Those around Joe eventually lose trust in him because he is acting as if he is genuinely interested in others, but his behavior suggests the opposite. Ultimately, others realize that Pete does not demonstrate authenticity- and he loses trust from others.

How about you? Do you struggle with accepting all of you- even the parts you don't really like

Do you believe that others see, know and  accept the "real" you- the one who is blend of positive characteristics along with all your human flaws? Do you spend the majority of your life trying to be better, stronger, happier, smarter, better looking- just more acceptable-than you really believe are? If you believe that you should improve in a certain area- and who doesn't need to do this?-which improvements are you focused most upon? Are you focused upon changing your thinking, your emotions, your heart - or are you focused only on how you can act differently so that you and others will see you in a certain (more acceptable) way? Are there unresolved issues from your past that have caused you to erect this invisible fence? If so, can you honestly say that you have done your part to resolve those differences?

Are you truly authentic- or are you truly just acting? That is the question we have to ask ourselves. I had mentioned in the earlier entry that it is what people do that creates personal credibility which makes people to trust you.  I would like to add one more to that: What you do needs to line up with what you really believe- if it doesn't, then others' inbuilt antennae will go on alert and trust will be difficult to establish.

If you are trying to be authentic and transparent and it is just an act, then that act itself blocks your authenticity. The only reason we activate our fence is to keep ourselves protected from someone or something. Why would we find a need to protect ourselves? It's because we all have some basic insecurities. We regularly asks ourselves questions like: Am I good enough> Do I really know enough? Am I really smart enough? And, based on how we really feel about that, the fence becomes more or less a part of who we are.

Some of us are fortunate enough to know exactly where we stand. We are human-each of us filled with self-belief and behaviors that run the gamut from glorious to not good! We  eventually recognize the only way to experience effective relationships is to deactivate the invisible fence and allow others to see the real person that we are. We finally accept our own positive traits- along with our human failures and warts. If unresolved conflict from the past is creating the fence, we make a sincere effort to resolve the conflict. We commit to working on our warts, and we don't ignore them or run from the fact they exist. When we do this, we are naturally more transparent, and we are able to experience relationships that are genuine and authentic. By doing this, we begin to trust ourselves, trust others, and gain others trust and respect. What are we doing? We are building credibility.

When others know you and believe you are authentic, you are more likely to build trust. And again when you inspire others to believe and have trust in you, you are building again credibility.

Trust factor Part III: In-built antennae

-Karthik Gurumurthy

Continuing on the trust factor, what are all the other factors which builds/destroys trust?

All of us know someone who has had a tendency to brag or enlarge the truth on a regular basis. One of the leaders I used to follow gave a powerful speech.  It was powerful. I can tell his style of delivery was impeccable, passionate. Towards the end of his speech, he quoted Rudyard Kipling(RK)'s If and  instead of giving credit to RK, he said he wrote it. My jaws dropped instantly and I was embarrassed to say the least. This person, over time loses credibility with people. Usually, this person is someone you would not describe as authentic or real.  Over time, you are likely to lose trust in anything this person says. Indeed, this person will definitely lose personal credibility as a result of this behavior. What is going on with the person?

The person most likely wants others to see him or her in a way that is different than what he/she believes about him/herself. One of my business coaches always used to tell " Express, but don't try to impress." If someone does this kind of bragging, your reaction will be , "If you can't be sincere and honest in what you say or how you share information, I can't trust you. You brag and enlarge the truth. You aren't for real. And if I can't trust you, I don't want a close relationship with you."  Ultimately the person has lost personal credibility because he/she has lost your trust.

Another group of people I find it difficult to trust are stiff  or somewhat stilted in their communication with me. It is difficult to get a sense of who this person really is. These are individuals who are likely to open up very little to anyone and reveals little about themselves. They keep everyone at arm's length-almost if there is a wall surrounding them. The result is that others find it difficult  to trust someone who is so unwilling to demonstrate openness and authenticity. The fence they have developed has created a distance with others, decreases trust, and, ultimately, decreases the opportunity for this person to building lasting trusting relationship with them.  Others will say "If you don't trust me to enough to be sincere and open, I really can't trust you either." Without trust from others, the individual loses credibility.

When someone behaves in a way that makes sense to us and inspires to trust him/her as being authentic and real, that person increases personal credibility. And the opposite is true as well. When we interact with someone who is unwilling or unable to be sincere or authentic, we lose trust.

Karthik, how do you know all of this? 

Some of it is by observation from other people. I am guilty for some of these and just like the title of my webpage says, "Striving for Excellence", I am trying to learn from my mistakes and so that I can learn from it and others can benefit from it as well.

I am currently in India and having a chance to observe more people, I am realizing how so many people are oblivious to their blind spots. For some of the people, blind spots can be blind zones. I am thankful to God for making me identify and rectify my blunders so that I can learn from them.

When someone is transparent, we can see through it. Nothing is hidden, no barriers exist, and nothing is covered up. When someone is transparent, we know that we are seeing the 'true' person. But transparency is more than being truthful- it is being truthful in a way that others can easily detect. When someone is transparent, and clearly demonstrates behaviors that others value and trust, personal credibility is much more easily achieved. The opportunity to be transparent and authentic is there for every human on earth.

All of us have an inbuilt antennae wherein we can interact with someone briefly and determine the person's  sincerity, authenticity and comfort with simply being themselves.

Individuals who possess strong personal credibility have an authenticity about them that is detectable. One such person who can think of immediately is my wife "Shobana". She gives an  "I am who I am impression to others." Typically, the more transparent people are, the less inclined they are at trying to impress others. Now, this doesn't mean they don't care about others or the impact they have on them-it is quite the opposite. It means simply that the focus is not on, "What are you thinking of me?' but instead on, "How can I better know and understand you?'.

People who are transparent in a positive and genuine way are typically self-accepting.  They understand that they are imperfect beings. They know they mess up, make mistakes and don't have all the answers, They are strong enough to accept this, and then go about the process of living their life by internally acknowledging imperfections and challenges- and learning from them.

Let us all do that as the bottomline for all relationships is trust. People love to have relationships with people whom they trust and respect. People love to build businesses whom they have trust. Let us work on these and make it happen!

The 'Trust Factor'

-Karthik Gurumurthy

I am enjoying the time in India serving my parents and thankful to God for giving me an opportunity to be with them during these times. Thankfully, I am blessed with an opportunity to teach couple of wonderful students from US during the night time (using Skype). After I am done with the sessions around midnight, I am all fresh and up. During this time it gives me an opportunity to ponder upon few things which had been in my mind for sometime.

Essentially it revolves around the topic of  'Trust'. How important is Trust in a relationship, in a business or in general life. What gives credibility to someone?

When others believe, trust and have confidence in you, you instantly receive their respect meaning you have credibility with them. When you are respected, your self-worth and confidence increases. When you receive respect- from both yourself and others- you are both self-accepting. Self-acceptance allows you to be just yourself, which increases authenticity. When you are genuine, others instinctively believe and trust in you more.

But wait a minute..Is trust based on the type of person that you are, or is it based on the types of things you do?

If you think about it, the only way we can assess people is from our observations of what they do.

To give you an instance, few weeks back my parents had ordered an inverter (An inverter is an instrument which helps you to operate few of your electrical appliances in the event of an electrical power shutdown so that you can operate appliances such as light or fan etc.). The guy who came to our place for installing talked to us as if he is genuine. After he left we found out, he installed an older equipment which didn't have warranty. Anyway long story short, we found that the guy was a phony (even though he looked genuine). His actions showed what he was really made up of. There are two things which are really vital to understand. Character and reputation. Character is what you are and reputation is what other people think of you. Most people worry about reputation than character. 

Actions speak louder than words. It is what people do that forms our opinions, relationships and ultimate decisions of whether to trust and respect them. Our impressions, thoughts, and opinions are constantly being formed and reformed, most often in our subconscious. Although, we might be unaware of it, we stay in constant "observer" mode with those around us, and they say in the same mode observing us! We might not always have all the facts, and our observations might change over time, but regardless it is still the only information on which we have to base our thoughts and opinions of others. For this reason, it is what people do that determines our belief, respect and trust in them- it what we all do that determines our credibility.

Why is this important? At our very core, we want to know who can trust and respect- and we want to receive the same trust and respect from others. However, we are living in a world where it is becoming more and more difficult to discern who deserves our trust and respect. Headlines and TV news are filled with stories of troubled organizations, sports personalities, political leaders for misleading the public. Consequently we find ourselves wondering if personal credibility with public figures is only something of the past. On a more personal level, family, friends and coworkers violate our trust and lose credibility as a result. Most people- regardless of whether they are in the public spotlight-don't intentionally choose a life of being disbelieved, mistrusted and disrespected.

The true reality is that trust either occurs or is damaged due to ongoing decisions we make and behaviors we demonstrate.

For most of us, there is an inherent need to be valued and respected by others, while at the same time, to be comfortable and confident in being who we authentically are. We want to live a life that causes others to say: " Karthik Gurumurthy- now that is someone with  credibility or someone I can always trust!' We all don't experience that type of life though. The great news is this :We all can experience greater personal credibility- if we are willing to take sometime to  honestly evaluate ourselves, look at our own actions and behaviors, and build some new habits. More on this tomorrow.  Good night.

Most critical but commonly missed element to succeed

  -Karthik Gurumurthy

This is one of the areas I had to work more than any others but the payoff was worth it.  I still haven't reached where I wanted to be, but I am getting there.  This is one of the common areas which lot of us fall short.

 

 

Accountability means being responsible for our actions—to somebody for something.  However, I am not writing about how to hold other people accountable. It’s about us holding ourself accountable.

When we take 100 % responsibility for holding ourself accountable, our performance will shine, our relationships will flourish, our market value will multiply, people’s respect for uswill soar, we will be a great example for everyone to follow, and personally  on top of that, our self-esteem will grow.

How is it that in all these areas of our life we can see such a great improvement?  Because when we hold ourself accountable to doing the things we know we should do, we will distinguish yourself from the crowd.

I am convinced if we want to advance our life personally or professionally, we must hold ourself accountable for our actions, responsibilities, and goals.  Think about it. Why should it be someone else’s responsibility to make sure we are doing the things that we know we should to be doing?

The mindset I adopted more than 3 years ago is this: it is up to me and no one else to make sure I am doing what I know I should be doing. When someone has to hold me accountable, because I failed to do what I should have done, I have a serious conversation with myself. My belief is that no one should have to hold me accountable for my actions, responsibilities and goals. While I appreciate others helping me get better, I am the one that must hold myself to a high standard.


There are three areas in which we must hold yourself accountable:

1.    Our actions and choices.  What actions and choices I am talking about?

•  How we communicate with others.
• How we spend our time. If God wants to see what we have done in the last 24 hours and based on how we spent it, if he is going to grant another 24 hours, will we pass the test? Think about it.
• Our behavior and manners
• The consideration and respect we show others
•  Our eating habits and exercising routine (I am working on this!!)
• Our attitude and thoughts
• The way we respond to challenges

2.    Our responsibilities—This would include these types of things:

•  Returning calls, emails, and texts in a timely manner
• Being on time for business and personal appointments
• Keeping our home, car, and workplace clean
•  Spending less than we earn
• Doing the things we agreed to do when we agreed to do them
• Executing our job description to the best of our ability
• Writing things down on a “To Do” list so we don’t forget

3.    Our goals—This would include our:

•     Fitness and health targets

•     Financial goals

•     Family objectives

•     Career ambitions

•     Personal goals

•     Marital enhancement

•     Any other goals we have set for ourself

Make no mistake about it. We cannot achieve any worthwhile goal, if we don’t hold ourself accountable. The reason is simple. It’s our life!  We are witnessing enough examples in day-to-day life how lack of accountability kills relationships. Eg. Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzeneggar...

Holding ourself accountable is nothing more than following through with OUR commitments and responsibilities.  It’s doing what YOU know YOU should do, when YOU should it. Last week I had a chance to listen to Entrepreneur Sugeet Ajmani who said " the bigger gap than Grand Canyon is the gap between knowing and doing."

Irrespective of where we are in our life, let today be the day that we can make the commitment to ourself that we will NEVER again require anyone else to hold us accountable.  After being associated with my wife Shobana, I have started keeping a prioritized “To Do” list which really help focus on holding myself accountable to working through my tasks in a prioritized sequence. Just like any good habit, it is difficult to get started but once you make it a habit, it is worth it. I strongly recommend it.

One life to live..Take charge and live large!

Character

- Karthik Gurumurthy

Most people would rather work on their personality than on their character. Personality development brings more immediate rewards, is less rewarding and, in most cases, involves little sacrifice on our part. Personality development involves learning new conversational skills, style or  developing a speaking ability.

Character development often involves making changes that are at least temporarily uncomfortable and often very demanding. The development of good virtues requires more times because it means we must discipline some of our appetities and passions. Keeping promises and being sensitive to the feelings and convictions of others are not things that most of us do naturally. We have to work at them.  Development of character is the best indicator of maturity.

It is true that it is difficult to develop character than personality and and rewards are not as immediate. However, the long-term rewards are infinitely greater. In today's world, the need for character and leadership outweighs the need for more people with better personality. The good news is, when you develop the character, the personality develops far more easily and naturally.

Absolute Honesty: Avoiding Dishonesty Traps

I got this as a forward and Mark Sanborn (Author of Fred Factor, You don't need a title to be a leader, Encore Effect) has done a outstanding job talking about Honesty. All of us need to watch out for these as it is easy to slide in the white lies. Thank you Mark Sanborn for sharing this great article.

-Karthik Gurumurthy

Absolute Honesty: Avoiding Dishonesty Traps

by Mark Sanborn

Are you honest?

If someone were to ask you that question, you’d be taken aback by his or her forwardness. Nobody wants to have their honesty questioned. Yet in our private hours we’d benefit from asking ourselves that question.

Flash back to grade school: “Did you throw that eraser?” the teacher asks. You knew you’d be in less trouble for throwing the eraser than you’d be for lying about it. It took character to own up to your mistake, and before long you figured out that it was better just not to do stuff like throwing erasers in the first place. It was easy to recognize the boundaries back then.

We inevitably get older, but growing up is a choice. Now you’re an adult, you’re in business, and whether you realize it or not, your honesty is challenged by more complex factors. As leaders, we pride ourselves on having integrity, on shooting straight and telling the truth. The truth is, there are pitfalls and temptations out there that will periodically challenge your best intentions.

Five honesty traps to avoid:

Over-promising

Your spouse, your boss, your customer, or your child asks for something. You aim to please, so you say “yes” – hoping but not really sure you can deliver. Maybe you just want to get this guy off your back, or maybe you really, really want to make this sale. Motives don’t matter: anytime you over-promise and under-deliver, you’ve been dishonest.

What does this do to the value of your word? How many times will you try this tactic before you get called on it? It’s more important to be trusted than to be popular. You can still communicate your desire to serve without making promises you can’t keep. This way, everyone wins. The other person will understand your desire to deliver, your intent to do all you can to make it possible, and your word remains intact.

To achieve absolute honesty, keep promises you make. Period.

Vagueness

This one rears its ugly head any time you’ve got an unpleasant or difficult task ahead. How many customers did you call on this week? Maybe you made a couple hundred calls, but only actually reached a few prospects. So how do you answer that question? You could give the number you called, and look like a superhero – or give the number you actually reached, and be the goat. Sometimes the truth is in the details.

To achieve absolute honesty, be specific about your actions.

Lies of Omission

Sometimes we can be just as dishonest by what we don’t say as if we told a bold-faced lie. There’s the old joke about a lady who spent a fortune on a new wardrobe, hid it all in her car’s trunk, and transferred it to her closet after her husband fell asleep. The next morning, she looked stunning in her new outfit. He compliments her and asks whether it’s new. Her response? “Oh, this – it’s just something I had in my closet.” Sure, it came from the closet, but she’s carefully orchestrated a way to conceal her shopping spree.

While we’re not obligated to take out a billboard ad proclaiming all our faults, mistakes, and shortcomings, it’s still important not to dodge the question or hold back important information. When we try to protect ourselves by what we don’t tell, it’s still a lie.

To achieve absolute honesty, don’t lie silently by withholding information.

Lying to Ourselves

Know that nagging voice buried way down inside? The one that you can usually silence by staying busy? When we ignore that voice, the one that’s determined to get our attention, to make us think long and hard about an issue, it’s like lying to ourselves.

Change is usually uncomfortable if not downright frightening. Auden said most people would rather be ruined than changed. That’s one reason we don’t want to listen to our inner voice.

Socrates was harsh but at least partly right when he said the unexamined life isn’t worth living. Listening to your inner voice is simple but not easy. Instead of justifying, explaining, rationalizing and making excuses, simply consider the implications of what you’ve found by examining your life.

To achieve absolute honesty, listen to everything your inner voice has to say instead of just what you want to hear.

Failing to Take Action

This one comes up at least once a year for many people – in the form of New Year’s Resolutions. It looks like this: This year, I’m going to lose weight (stop smoking, spend more quality time with my kids, get out of debt, etc.). January passes, February passes, March, April, May… December again. Nothing happened.

It’s like the guy who’s in debt. Every time he picks up the phone, there’s a creditor on the other end. When he checks the mail, it’s full of bills and notices. It isn’t that he’s not facing the facts; he’s unwilling to deal with them.

The lie? Failing to take action to back up our words. Failing to honor ourselves by honoring our own words. After a while, nobody – not even yourself – will believe what you say. You talk the talk but don’t walk the walk.

To achieve absolute honesty, don’t just face the facts—deal with them.

Whether you’re a leader with or without a title, or just a conscientious person trying to fight the good fight, you know the importance of being truthful. Your word is your bond. Awareness is often half the battle. Look out for these landmines that threaten absolute honesty, and stay strong in your commitment to live and lead in truth.